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I was born in Vilnius, Lithuania at that
time when Lithuania was still one of the fifteen republics of the Soviet
Union. As the rest of my peers, I grew under the heavy yoke of
communistic regime. From my school years I was strongly taught that that
there is no God. Teachers at school would scoff at if any of pupils
would confess that he and his family were believers. That was not the
case with me, though. My parents were not Christians and we did not
attend any church. Nevertheless, such values as truth, freedom and worth
of human life were often spoken about in our home. Thus, questions about
meaning of life and search for the truth were my constant companions
during my last years in a High school. The search for meaning and
happiness led me to climbing mountains and beginning to practice Eastern
religions. But that did not fill my emptiness. I tried to find happiness
by drinking alcohol and testing different kinds of drugs. I became even
more depressed and unhappy. But let me tell you, how God reached down
and lifted me out of the pit of despair and set my feet on a
rock and gave me a firm place to stand Ps 40:2.
I had a friend who wanted to become a
Catholic priest. We loved to discuss with him issues like Is there
life after death?. But something happened to him. He changed his mind
about becoming a priest and began telling me that God was real and that
it was possible even for me to get to know and to experience God. He
told me that it is our sins that hinder us to be connected with God. But
Jesus Christ died for this very purpose to take the sins and the
penalty for them. He bridged the gap between us and God and now by faith
we can come to God. Up to this day the words of my friend Jesus
Christ is able to fill your emptiness if only you would let Him have
been echoing in my heart. Although I saw that my friend had
changed from being dogmatic religious person to a 'normal' and very
excited one, I still was very skeptical about confessing Jesus as my
Savior. The idea of me becoming a person that has any relation to
religion somehow did not fit into the portrait of my identity. I was
twenty years old, loved to hang out with my buddies in the old town of
Vilnius, never attended any church and did not feel I wanted to. My
biggest desire was to show my friend that I was not lesser than him, and
could understand and explain spiritual truths no worse than he did.
Actually, that was the first motive and reason why I began studying the
New Testament. However, it happened that while reading the Gospels that
unknown warmth, kindness and peace would overwhelm me. Still, most
surprising was the enlightenment of my understanding. I was able to find
answer after answer to my desperate questions. Don't misunderstand me,
to this day I have a lot of questions without answers, but the Bible has
shed light on many of the spheres that used to be so gloomy. But the
most important thing was that God became real to me. That happened when
I finally ventured to pray. I was alone in the kitchen. As I began
uttering the words Jesus, if you are real, please enter into my
heart, all of the sudden I saw how the space between me and the
window was ripped apart and a flash of fire came down through my body. I
saw the light and felt the heat. Some unseen power has lifted my hands
up in the air. I was scared and began to cry loudly God, please go
away or I will burn. This part He would not answer. To this day I
know and I feel He is with and within me. Also in that prayer I learned
my first lesson: it is not the right words but the right heart that
matters to God.
That experience changed something
inside of me. I understood that many of my failures in life were because
of my arrogance and self-centeredness. It used to be a pleasure to put
others down but suddenly I felt so ashamed of that kind of attitudes. I
did not want to judge others anymore, I felt as if I was able to love
them and help them. It was as if someone opened a tap and a stream of
new strength began flowing through me. Only later I found explanation in
the words of Jesus: If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and
drink. Whoever believes in me, streams of living water will flow from
within him. Depression that used to make my life so miserable was
gone. I stopped smoking and using drugs. It was not that it took a lot
of a will strength. I just simply did not need them. Little by little my
whole life began to gain a totally new shape. The words of my friend and
not those of my High School teachers did turn to be true.
Now from my own experience I can say
assuredly that it is possible to have a living relationship with God and
enjoy life with Him. And that makes all the difference.
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